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Hi, Noran,

Thanks for letting me see some of your work. You paint a very vivid picture of degradation and despair. You might want to organize it into several paragraphs, and add some important detail — the age of the girl, the circumstances under which she wound up broke and abandoned and freezing on the street. I get the feeling that the girl who is offering help is going to make a difference in this person’s life.  I really hope so!

Watch your details — she’s angry with the abandoning parents, but later says she doesn’t even know if they’re alive.

But if it’s a mood you’re striving to create, you’ve aced it! It’s really sad, and the reader can almost feel the cold!

                                                                                                            —–Gordon Korman—–