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Hi again, James,
Truly sorry, but I’ve had to make it my policy not to read other people’s work. I get so many requests that I’d have no time for my own. But there must be someone — a parent, a teacher, a best friend, an older sibling, an aunt — someone who will read what you wrote and give you an honest opinion of it, make suggestions, whatever you need. Reach out!
And good luck! —–GK—–