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Hi, Jonah,
I have always had to make it my policy not to read other people’s work. I get too many requests and I haven’t got the time or, frankly, the patience for it.
Having said that, I read yours. If it fits well with the rest of the story, then being as choppy as it is will go nicely. You have an interesting way of expressing yourself, and you need a dictionary. It’s actually more like a play.
And I will probably be writing you a fan letter one day and telling everybody I knew you when you were just 12!
Forgive me if I figure out how to erase your effort, though. This isn’t the place for it.
Regards, —–Gordon Korman—–