[Silas S.]

Hi GK! I'm here again. I really appreciated your help with my writings, and troubles that came with writing.

I am writing a book, and I would like your opinion on the plot and characters—kind of a "Would You Read It?". 

 

The book is called MANIFEST (The tagline is: Manifest or be manifested.) 

 

The plot: 

 

A group of middle schoolers meet for their book club meeting, and find a notebook labeled "The Creativity Journal" with a sticky note saying "DO NOT USE". Of course a group of curious kids will use something that says not to; and so they do. To them the journal is like a cliché "Whatever you draw in here comes to live'' until they start to abuse it's powers. The drawings come to life still; however they are different: evil. The drawings  are referred to as Manifestations, and the book takes a turn to more of a thriller after. The kids have to hide, and protect themselves from the Manifestations because they can and they will turn them into Manifestations also. The plot is a little flimsy, but I personally think it will be a good story. 

 

Also here are the characters (I added traits and flaws, to it, and I feel like I know the characters better now): 

 

Jesse (14) The Risktaker

Jesse is the leader of the group, the oldest, and the funniest. Everyone laughs at his jokes, and thinks he's a pretty cool dude. He is secretly depressed, hiding it with all his might 

Jesse Notes: 5'10, Sleepy at times, blonde hair, green eyes.

 

 

Kokanee (13) The Interrogator      

Kokanee is an older boy in the group; very obsessed with the sea, and the life of sea animals. He is pretty funny, and has a thing for Jesse (Kokanee is gay, but no one knows, he hides it. Kokanee would tell the club ANYTHING but that.) 

Kokanee notes: 5'4, Brown hair, hazel eyes 

 

Mara (13) The Wise Girl

Mara, a brilliant, bright girl, who loves reading, and board games. She is very quiet, and shy. She has always been scared of talking to people, but loves antagonizing her brother (in a respectful way).

Mara notes: 5'3, Dirty Blonde hair, Blue eye, Pato's sister. 

 

Pato (12) The Glue

Pato is a younger, cute boy, who many find to be awesome once you know him. He is funny, very smart, but not overly annoying. He is never rude. Pato has trust issues; his mother abandoned him, and Mara had to run away and find him.

Pato notes: 5'2, dirty blonde hair, green eyes, Duck is favorite animal, Mara's brother. 

 

Please give your honest opinion on the characters and plot. 

Hi GK! I'm here again. I really appreciated your help with my writings, and troubles that came with writing.
I am writing a book, and I would like your opinion on the plot and characters—kind of a "Would You Read It?".

The book is called MANIFEST (The tagline is: Manifest or be manifested.)

The plot:

A group of middle schoolers meet for their book club meeting, and find a notebook labeled "The Creativity Journal" with a sticky note saying "DO NOT USE". Of course a group of curious kids will use something that says not to; and so they do. To them the journal is like a cliché "Whatever you draw in here comes to live'' until they start to abuse it's powers. The drawings come to life still; however they are different: evil. The drawings  are referred to as Manifestations, and the book takes a turn to more of a thriller after. The kids have to hide, and protect themselves from the Manifestations because they can and they will turn them into Manifestations also. The plot is a little flimsy, but I personally think it will be a good story.

Also here are the characters (I added traits and flaws, to it, and I feel like I know the characters better now):

Jesse (14) The Risktaker
Jesse is the leader of the group, the oldest, and the funniest. Everyone laughs at his jokes, and thinks he's a pretty cool dude. He is secretly depressed, hiding it with all his might
Jesse Notes: 5'10, Sleepy at times, blonde hair, green eyes.

Kokanee (13) The Interrogator     
Kokanee is an older boy in the group; very obsessed with the sea, and the life of sea animals. He is pretty funny, and has a thing for Jesse (Kokanee is gay, but no one knows, he hides it. Kokanee would tell the club ANYTHING but that.)
Kokanee notes: 5'4, Brown hair, hazel eyes

Mara (13) The Wise Girl
Mara, a brilliant, bright girl, who loves reading, and board games. She is very quiet, and shy. She has always been scared of talking to people, but loves antagonizing her brother (in a respectful way).
Mara notes: 5'3, Dirty Blonde hair, Blue eyes, Pato's sister.

Pato (12) The Glue
Pato is a younger, cute boy, who many find to be awesome once you know him. He is funny, very smart, but not overly annoying. He is never rude. Pato has trust issues; his mother abandoned him, and Mara had to run away and find him.
Pato notes: 5'2, dirty blonde hair, green eyes, Duck is his favorite animal, Mara's brother.

Please give your honest opinion on the characters and plot.

Thanks so much,
Silas S.

 

Thanks so much,

Silas S.

 

 

Hi, Silas,

I think your story has real possibilities, and you've chosen solid characters to carry them out. I would recommend various relationships (your choice) between the kids, and maybe even competition for the girl's attention. 

Will I read it? Sorry, no. I've had to make it my policy not to read other people's work. I get too many requests. And I may be expert at the kind of material I write, but that doesn't make me master of anyone else's style. I offer moral support and a bit of advice here and there, and that will have to do.

Good luck, Silas.                                                                                                                                        ---GK---

[Silas S.]

Hi, Gordon!

 

Thanks for the recommendation! 

 

And I didn't mean actually reading it—it was more of a "does it spark your interest?" if that makes sense.

 

Thanks again,

Silas S.

[Marlo]

I would! I mean, that might not count, because I read almost every book I see. I would still read it.

[Logan]

Hi! I read the little blurb and character traits for your book, “MANIFEST” and while I’m not anywhere near as professional of a writer as GK, I’m still a writer and I think I could give a few notes.

- First off, the title? It’s amazing. The second I read the title I knew I wanted to read this story. It’s very intriguing and begs the readers a question: What is the Manifest?

- The idea is AWESOME!!! The drawing and it comes to life is something that is used quite a bit, but you made your own GREAT spin on it. Where the drawings become evil? That sounds really fun.

- Concerning the plot, there is one more thing I’m worried about. The tone shift. You say “the book takes a turn into a thriller afterwards.” Which is really great, but I’m assuming you were intending possibly a more light-hearted tone? In my opinion, I don’t like tone shifts and they don’t always work. If you are planning to do a tone shift, then maybe don’t make it too obvious, but still do it how you want. That’s just my opinion though.

- The characters all sound really fun! However, how are Kokanee and Jesse connected to Mara and Pato? I get it’s a book club, but possibly there could be a teensy connection between the two Duos.

- Also about the book club, are you planning to make it an anchor for your story or just have it starting it off? I think either could work if you do it well.

Overall, I would definitely read the story and remember this is just my opinion. Good luck!

Your fellow writer, Logan 

[Silas S.]

1. Thank you so much, Mario! I agree with that too, almost any book I pick up, I read. 

 

2. Hi Logan! 

 

•Re: Name

Thank you! I personally LOVED the name of it too. And yes, it leaves room for question, because with one single glance of a cover and name, the reader will ask questions, and want to read more 

 

•Re: Idea 

Thanks again! The book idea was based on the questions about pens that let you draw whatever you want, and it will come to life. And the message from the book is a "Be careful what you wish for" thing; the message is also like "Your actions have consequences". 

 

•Re: Tone Change

The tone does change a bit; It's a happy club meet, with humor and friendliness. The mystery of the book lingers with them as soon as they find it. They eventually warm up to the idea, and begin to use it, but they abuse the powers. After abusing the powers the drawings come to life, but now they are evil. The kids have to hide from the "Manifestations", but they also are trying to defeat them. I feel that it's always a thriller-ish book, but it's lighthearted at first, If that makes sense. 

 

•Re: Characters

They're not "duos" per se. They all work together, and they're all friendly to each other. Mara and Pato are siblings; Kokanee and Jesse are friends. They're all friends, yeah, but Jesse and Kokanee don't have a certain "label" like siblings, or cousins. Just friends. 

 

•Re: Book Club 

The club? It's a group of 4 friends, all some "nerdy" kids, but ones with humour, and interests, and a personality. They're definitely staying together. They'll always have their meetings, unless they're already together, trying to fight manifestations. I hope I didn't misinterpret this question. 

 

I hope this answers everything Logan, but if you have any questions, I'm here! Thanks for helping me think a bit on my work.

[Marlo]

I’m even more intrigued. Also, just fyi, it’s Marlo, not Mario. This happens to me on roblox a lot though.

[Marlo]

Also, if you need help with a cover or editing, go to this website. It’s Jade! https://www.jcharriswrites.com/

[Silas S]

I apologize. The site here is formatted weirdly and I had to look at your name without zooming in. It looked like an i. I apologize.

 

Also thanks for the site!

[aj0828]

Where can I read it???